Waiting for it to come up
by usnoozulose
Summary: One-shot. What happens when Natsu finally asks Lucy what really happened when they were fighting Tartaros?


**A/N: I wrote this a few weeks ago so it doesn't really make sense with the latest few manga chapters in mind, so just go with it. I wrote this because I think of myself as more of a lighthearted writer and wanted to see if I could write something with slightly more angst. So yeah, just a short one-shot. Enjoy!**

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"So what did you think?"  
I looked at Lucy, beaming in self-pride for defeating that huge monster. I definitely would have taken at least… like maybe two more minutes to defeat it before my year of training.  
Alright, I was totally showing off, but one look at Lucy told me that she didn't mind.

"You've really gotten strong, Natsu" she beamed at me. Ever since I asked her to go on this job, she's been smiling non-stop, getting all excited at the smallest things like meeting with the client and discussing the reward money. She didn't even mind that Happy chose to stay behind to learn transformation magic from Carla.  
I guess she had really missed doing this, and I couldn't deny that I had missed it too.  
I had especially missed her, but I wasn't going to tell her that until she confronted me about leaving without her. It was getting boring waiting, really, but I suppose she needed to become comfortable around me again before that could happen.

"I can't even use my Lucy kick on you now" she continued, looking slightly miffed.

"You just need to work on your reflexes and strength, look here I'll show you some basic exercises-"

"Oh please, I can't even begin to think about physical stuff until my magic's up to scratch" she interrupted, crossing her arms.

"What do you mean? Your magic's fine! If you want to Lucy kick me then you need to work on-"

"It's only slightly improved over the last year, Natsu" when was this girl going to stop interrupting me?  
Her interruptions weren't the only things that were irritating me though.

"Pfft, like you needed to improve your magic in the first place." I said, confused as to why she was downplaying herself so much.

"What do you mean?" she replied, her confusion mirroring mine.

I sighed at her response. If I was going to wait for her to bring up my absence, I guess I should be the one to bring up the events that had happened leading up to that.

"Lucy, I don't know how, but didn't you save all our asses back when we were fighting Tartaros?" I asked her. Several seconds passed and all she did was stare at me with an oddly emotionless expression. Wasn't she proud of herself?

"It was your magic, right? I remember… uh… sort of melding with the floor, I didn't feel like a single being anymore, it was weird… but anyway, after a while I started to feel your magic. Sort of like the pressure I felt when you did that Urano Metria spell at the Grand Magic Games, and suddenly I felt like myself again and I could move. Don't downplay yourself Lucy, seriously, I could never do something like that with my fire."

The silence that spread out after I said that was unbearable. She didn't look like she was going to break it anytime soon. She sort of just… stood there.  
Something was really wrong.

"Luce… what happened?" Mavis, had something bad happened to her? Why didn't she tell anyone?

She looked at me, finally showing emotion in her eyes. Was that… fear?

"It was Aq- Aquarius." She stuttered, acting like saying the name itself was causing her pain.

"What was Aquarius? I don't get it." I pushed, desperate to know why she was acting like this. She breathed deeply, attempting to calm herself, but I could see she was in an internal battle.

"I did something really awful, Natsu." She replied. "You would all hate me if I told you, and I wouldn't blame you, but…" she was in tears now, and I instinctively pulled her into a hug to try to calm her.  
Why on earthland did she think we would hate her? What was she talking about?  
"I had to do it, Natsu. She was telling me to do it and you all would have died if I didn't and there wasn't any other way but GOD DAMNIT I WISH THERE WAS" She cried into my shoulder, almost screaming the last part.

I didn't know what to say. All I could do was hold her and stroke her hair as she let out what I suspected was a year's worth of bottled up emotion.  
Eventually she started to calm down, and I took that as my cue to speak.

"What happened with Aquarius, Luce?" I asked her.

"I… I had to break her k-key to summon the spirit king." She whispered, her face still hidden in my shoulder.

Break? As in…

"I can't summon her anymore. She's… she's all alone, somewhere in the spirit world. I did that to her. I did that to my friend." She explained. "I don't deserve to be a Fairy Tail mage, I-"

"Lucy, shut up." I interrupted.  
I was an asshole. How hadn't I noticed?  
She had been blaming herself for this for an entire year.  
She sacrificed her oldest friend, one of her mother's keys, for her family who had abandoned her only a few days afterwards.

And she was angry at _herself._

Damn my brain, not able to come up with a way to tell her how sorry I was. Instead, I just held onto her more tightly as she let the last of her tears fall. I struggled to keep my rage from raising my body temperature too high.  
Fuck yeah, I was furious.  
Lucy never deserved anything like this to happen to her.

"What use was promising to protect your future if you spend it blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault?" I eventually said.  
"But I-"  
"No, Luce. It doesn't change the fact that you still saved us all in a way that nobody else could." I cut her off from arguing with me. "It's not your fault. Blame those Tartaros demons if you really need to blame someone. You did something amazing and I'm sorry you had to lose someone."

The words felt stupid in my mouth; I still felt like they only portrayed a fraction of what I really wanted to say to her.  
They seemed to have got through to Lucy though, as I felt her burying her face closer to my shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I asked.  
"I don't know" she replied, finally having stopped crying. "I just couldn't. The words wouldn't come out. Plus, you all had your own stuff you were dealing with at the time. And then after that-"

She stopped herself from bringing up the fact that I had left. That decision was beginning to seem more and more selfish of me, although I knew it wasn't Lucy's intention to make me feel that way. I was glad that she hadn't bought it up, though. There was too much angst to bring that up now.

"Is that what you think of us?" I asked quietly. She looked up at me, sensing my anger. I continued explaining myself before she got the wrong idea.  
"You're supposed to be able to tell us when things are wrong, Luce. You're supposed to tell me, even when there's other stuff going on. That's what friends are for." I said firmly.

She smiled up at me, and I felt relieved that I had managed to bring that expression to her face once more.  
"Yeah, okay Natsu." She said.

The celestial mage and I walked home after that, comfortable in each other's silence. Just like old times. There were still some things to work through, but for now I was happy that the smile was back on her face. Step by step, I was planning on making that smile more and more genuine, just like it used to be.


End file.
